Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
