Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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