Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
