he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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