ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
