She went from zero to smokin in five shots
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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