Your tits are I can't wait for
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
