if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
