the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
