i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Success! We fucked roommates!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
