You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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