And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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