believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
