how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
