hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
