i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
