So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
