Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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