She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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