Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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