Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So much rum. So many feels.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
