the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
