Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
