Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
