you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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