I will die if light touches me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
