hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just had sex bonerless
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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