apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
