love makes seman taste better
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
