so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
