Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
