Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
