Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
