She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
