New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
