Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
