She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
