my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Randomize
