Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
