Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Randomize
