so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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