You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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