What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
