I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize