you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
