Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
