You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
