We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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