he thought i was a dude.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
