He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
