im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
