addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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