I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
