She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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