Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
