so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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