For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
