I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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