if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
