I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
