Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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