Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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