For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
