I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
