I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
