I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
