i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
