Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
