My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
