one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
